its been a whole year and a half since I left mindsay...!! whoa...remember that break i was talking about? lol I can't believe it wud be this long......

ah well...here I  am!!! back!!

PROM NIGHT CLOSE-UP

GRADUATION CLOSE-UP..damn I hated the color of my gown so much that I started calling it "goo color"..but then I noticed it didn't look that bad after all. 

btw, I curled my hair for the first time that day.. :$

I'm sad...*sniff* sniff*

did anyone wonder where I was all these days? nobody,right? ((

shurid, you're a faker, aren't ya? no phone calls? not even a visit to my site?

ambreen? kashfi? nobody missed me? (((((( 

hehehe...enough with the drama!

I'm fine just graduated high school today..

this morning first I went to school to pick up my report card..which was not as satisfactory as my other report cards throughout the last 4 years..but I took a deep breath and accepted it.

then I chilled with my friends... and went to the salon to curl up my hair.. I never did that before in my life.. but I  I took the risk anyways..my friend sunny came in to the salon to go to the graduation together... and I was rushing...so I took out all the money I had in my purse and handed it to the salon lady...and left...

when I got to the subway station,I opened my purse and I only had $2 left... and I left my house with $50 on me! where the hell did all the money go????? I must have paid everything to the salon....instead of paying only  $25 ( and the lady must have thought I tipped her ... I couldn't go back because I was running late...and also I didn't wanna make her feel bad.. lolz.. money isn't that important to me, anyways.

once I got to Hunter College for graduation... I realized I wasn't wearing the medal I got for technology.. lolz so I called my mommy and by the time she got here..I was already lining up to march to the auditorioum...

I was really jealous of Yiliyani Fernendez, the velidictorian.. because there was a time when I had a higher GPA then her.... but then it started dropping bbecause I didn't care anymore... but every time I saw her..it reminded me of how she used to keep asking me for my GPA so that she could beat me...

However, after she delivered her speech.. I couldn't be jealous of her anymore... there was this part in the speech where she said... these medals and titles mean nothing as long as u can look inside ur self and feel successful.. and when she delivered a message in Spanish for her mother who didn't speak any English, I couldn't help crying... I tried my best not to be emotional about leaving high school..but that moment..I couldn't stop... I realized a change in me... instead of being jealous of Yiliyani... I felt respect for her...I truly applauded her..

After graduation..my parents took me to this fancy Indian diner... I ATE! I mean as much as my little stomach could hold.. lolz... 

my mom then handed me her expensive gold and ruby bangle as a gift for the graduation...and I took it..even though I never had a thing for gold or gems... I just think it's a waste of money...

 but that's not why I felt empty though...

My mom kept asking me if I was happy.... *sigh* I didn't have any other replies.... but a silent sigh................................... 

I want to sing with audible tunes

hitting the highest pitches possible

I want to sing with the finest timbre..

touching the softest corner of the listener's heart

I want to sing to feel self-intimacy

feeling every inch of my existance

but now I can only

sing to the unheard melodies..

and dance to the silent rhythms..

The new Pantene Pro V two-in-one is sooooooooooo much better than Head & Shoulder...

I just switched to Pantene...

it smells good

and leaves your hair smooth and silky.... all day..... (tossing my hair)

p.s. I am not getting paid for this advertisement

I got so used to letting you sneak into my thoughts, dreams and fantasies that I don't even realize it when I'm thinking about you. It's become such a habitual thing for me that it doesn't disrupt anything I do.... you're just there... always on my mind... part of me... part of my existance..part of my being...

there was a period of time when I got so frustrated and restless thinking about you... I tried hating you... I tried murdering you in my thoughts. I even tried....actually, there was nothing bad that I could do to you.. not even in my imagination..

I finally gave up.....

I gave up on trying to hate you...

because I can't......

hating you would be hating myself...

and if I start hating myself ..

I would cease to exist..

I just keep loving your existance in my mind..

not just because of the satisfaction of giving

and asking nothing in return..

but because I must...

in order to exist...

in order to live...